Time Off

Love?

As I’m sure all 9 of you noticed, I haven’t posted in a long time.
1) I was traveling around SouthEast Asia for 2 weeks.
2) My job is sucking my soul out bit by bit
3) I’m attempting to NOT be 20 pounds overweight and go to the gym at night (failing)
4) When not at the gym I’m trying to go out to fight the feeling of “I’m going to die aloooonnneeee” that has been plaguing me lately.
5) I’ve been mourning the split of Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis. I no longer believe in love. NOW I find out that Heidi Klum and Seal may be breaking up so I just need to get a hold of myself. Love is a lie.

In all seriousness, I am going to continue taking time off from blogging because Bella and I are working on a script. Yes, I know, such a Hollywood cliche. Whatever. We’re doing it. We haven’t decided if it will be a TV show or a film yet but we’re just fucking banging that thing out. It’s going to be funny as hell. Anyways, all my free writing time is going to go to that so for the moment…adieu.

Let us all pray for the marriage of Heidi and Seal.

Don’t Push the Button

Metaphor

My mother reminded me today that if I ever have a doubt in my mind about pushing a button…maybe a Publish or Post button…that I shouldn’t do it. Well sorry Mom, but a bottle of wine kicked your advice out the window and I angrily posted my girl rage last night.

While very cathartic at the time, my thoughts today kind of mirror the way my body feels. I should have gone to the gym and not consumed all that booze because now my body feels sluggish and gross. I should have NOT posted and just fumed in silence because now I feel awkward and ashamed. I’m THAT girl. The one that posts ragey things  on the internet and complains about guys. Ugh. Nobody wants to be that person.

I’m not deleting the post because it will forever remind me of what I shouldn’t do when upset. It’s like the time I killed a cockroach on my apartment ceiling in New York and couldn’t get the body off so I just left it up there. Its carcass served as a message to all the other cockroaches – don’t fuck with me. I never saw another cockroach again.

That was a disgusting story…but it’s a metaphor somehow. What you should take away from this is that I am the girl who cried while listening to Adele and lived in an apartment where there was a dead cockroach on the ceiling.

Never mind I’ll find someone like YOUUUUUUU

Today, on my way home from work, I blasted Adele’s song “Someone Like You” as loud as it would go…and I just bawled my eyes out the whole way back to my apartment. I am currently home, drinking a whole bottle of wine, wearing disgusting sweatpants, and skipping the gym to make dinner and dessert. All this while continuing to listen to Adele.

I am a walking cliche.

Why am I doing this, you ask? Well I was chatting with a new boy I like too much and he jokingly mentioned that he hits on all the clients that come in to his agency. Psh. Whatever right? Totally not a big deal. But let’s face reality people. No one…I mean NO one tells someone that they’re into that they hit on every attractive person who crosses their path at work. Isn’t that kind of rule #1? Oh do you like this person and maybe want them to like you back? Maybe you SHOULDN’T throw it in their face that you are actively looking for another person to hook up with! I’m sure I’m overreacting (if any of my friends were here with me right now they would tell me I am and would stop this post from happening but I am ALONE) but still…it just snapped something inside of me and my brain screamed NOT AGAIN! I CANNOT DO THIS AGAIN! It’s like my brain has developed a fight or flight response when it comes to guys.  You just fucking know that I’m going to be that chick AGAIN who starts seeing a guy and starts to get into it and then he meets someone else and starts dating THEM instead. I will be that awesome and fun girl who was a nice in-between until he found his “actual” girl. Is it me? Is it the guys? Is it LA? Is it our generation and our constant Facebooking and Googling? Whatever it is, it’s FUCKING me over and over and over. (For the record, NO I haven’t slept with him yet. I know right?! I’m a whole new person now. Too jaded to have a mature sexual relationship with any man in LA).

Sigh. I’ll try to stop talking to him so much and start to build up the wall around my heart. Then I’ll at least be ready for the day he either A) stops talking to me because he’s over it, B) starts talking to me less and distancing himself to end this slowly or C) tells me he’s met someone else. (Yea yea yea, this all sounds super cynical…but this is all based on experiences from the past year so LAY OFF ME).

Normally I can channel my guy angst into rage and just go to kickboxing class or sprint on the treadmill to some screaming punk music but tonight I am allowing myself to just wallow. Bring on the wine, the Adele, and the desserts.

PS – Hope you enjoy my first rage-y post. I just can’t deal right now and needed to vent. Miiiiight regret this when the wine wears off. OH WELL!

Dead Men Tell No Tales

My dream man has dreads, never showers, and operates a gun.

As many (okay all) of you know, I have a mild (okay creepy) obsession with Pirates of the Caribbean the movie. However, while watching it for the 34th time tonight (that is not an exaggeration), I have decided that we need to take some lessons away from this film.

I often bemoan the destruction of the English language. That may seem a tad dramatic, but as someone who has always loved to read and wanted to become a writer, I feel as though the youth today put very little effort into their words. Every “like”, “gonna”, and “lol/omg/ur etc” kills me. I’m going to throw myself into this ring because I occasionally get lazy and speak like an uneducated peasant, but for the most part I try and keep the real words alive. However, most people scoff at my use of “old fashioned” words and accuse me of speaking A) in an English accent or B) like a pirate. Here are some words I’ve decided we need to take from the Pirates films and re-incorporate into our language.

1) Superfluous

- Use instead of “unnecessary”. i.e. This Dell computer is rather superfluous now that I have a snazzy new Macbook.

2) Commandeer

- Use instead of “steal” (stealing to USE…not shoplifting). i.e. I commandeered a hipster’s bicycle to chase after a thief who stole my farmers market purchases.

3) Strumpet

- Use instead of “prostitute or whore”. i.e. I slept with two different guys in 48 hours, I feel like such a strumpet.

4) Merit

- Use instead of “deserve”. i.e. Oh you’re not going to the holiday party? Are you too trashy to merit an invitation?

5) Savvy

- Use instead of the phrase “Got it?” i.e. I need you to go to the store and get kale, tampons, organic tomatoes, Yogi Chai Tea, nail clippers, condoms, frozen scallops, and laxatives. Savvy?

Next time I shall discuss how I want to bring back brothels, bar fights, and emphasizing your point by slapping people across the face. (I did that last one just a couple weeks ago actually…it felt really good).

Cheers darlings.

A Day in the Life of Cocochina’s Brain.

1) I have Lil Wayne’s “How to Love” and Rihanna’s “We Found Love” stuck in my head. My brain is turning into KIIS FM radio. This is not good.

2) I want coffee, but it hurts my stomach. I shouldn’t have it because I’ll regret it. I should eat toast so the coffee doesn’t hurt as much. Ugh.I need to stop eating so much and go to the gym more. STOP! Eat what you want – don’t be so L.A. But…coffee….

3) Ow. My stomach hurts from the coffee.

4)I just remembered that the Saturday of Halloween weekend, from 3am – 3:30am I was spinning in circles in the middle of the dance floor dressed as a goth, with a guy dressed as Mugatu from Zoolander. Complete with wig, monogrammed outfit, and corset.

5) The background of my Gmail account is an oceanscape. (Like a landscape…but just an ocean. See what I did there?) I just stared at it for an entire minute. I don’t want to think about what my face probably looked like to my boss. I’m imagining a dumbfounded stoner who is half asleep.

6) When I was walking to Starbucks today for my boss I had some time to dwell on some important things. Did I look like an intern getting coffee? Do I care if I look like an intern? Why was it so hot in November? Could you see my underwear through my skirt? Why was there a line outside Williams Sonoma? Did they have amazing samples or something? Did I have time to stop and get the samples? Why is the man walking behind me breathing so hard? Has he been jogging or is he a creeper?

7) Just learned from my boss’s fiance that Martha Stewart was in Williams Sonoma. I like how I thought a line that went around the block was for their Thanksgiving samples. My love for food is borderline disgusting.

8) I just asked the question, “Could you say it is more of a burnt sienna color?” on the phone at work. This somehow involved a contract and did not involve any kind of painting. Ponder that. (EDITED TO ADD: Apparently when you type the number 8 and then this symbol ) it makes a smiley face with cool glasses. I do not know how to change this. I think it enhances the statement.)

9) I want to buy the book Tomatoland: How Modern Industrial Agriculture Destroyed Our Most Alluring Fruit but I’m afraid that I’ll start freaking out whenever I see tomatoes and berate people for not buying local. This happened with SUVs and low flow toilets after my first Environmental Science class in high school. I recently read When the Rivers Run Dry about the lack of water in the world…I haven’t gone around yelling at people to get rid of their SUVs, but it has brought me to feel rather blase about everything else that’s going on. Oh, the economy is in the toilet? Doesn’t matter. We’ll run out of water in 20 years. Worried about unemployment? Irrelevant. You’ll die from dehydration before you get a job.

10) I ate four cookies last night while watching the second installment of LOTR with Bella. They were delicious but then I felt like vomiting. I almost got up to puke but didn’t want to miss any of the movie. I also never pee during films…I’ll hold it until the feeling goes away. This can’t be healthy.

Things On My Mind

I Googled brain and this came up. Perfect.

Again, a lack of posting. This is probably because nothing very exciting has been happening to me lately. However, I just remembered I didn’t start this blog because I lead a fascinating life of adventure and intrigue. I started this blog because you guys told me to and apparently I am strange and it amuses you. Therefore, here are some thoughts that have been on my mind. Feel free to chime in on the ones where I ask your opinion (and even the ones where I don’t).

1) Very important life or death question…should I get bangs? I don’t mean trendy, sideswept, hey-is-that-a-Disney-tween-star? bangs. I mean Patti Smith/Joey Ramone bangs. I want peeople to think three things a) Is that a rockstar? b) Is that a heroin addict? or c) Is that a hobo? Surprisingly all three of those can be one and the same.

I already own this shirt. Step One = completed.

2) What should I be for Halloween? This is my favorite holiday, yet there are so many factors that go into choosing a good Halloween costume. Am I single? If yes, do I want to look attractive? What level of attractiveness will I be going for? (i.e. Classy, flirty, slutty, is-that-a-costume-or-is-she-a-whore etc etc). If I’m in a relationship, I can do whatever I want. Someone will find me attractive even if I go as a piece of poop. If I’m single and I don’t care/hate men…then we are back to the poop or something funny. I am currently in between caring about being attractive and yet wanting to be funny or clever. Ideas that have run through my head: Joey Ramone (depends on the answer to Query #1 above), Edgar Allen Poe, Ozzy Osbourne, a goth, a banana, a dominatrix, a gold statue, an actual hobo, a can can dancer, Salt N Pepa and various other couples costumes with Bella. Help me.

Don't make me resort to this

3) Why is it that when people get black out drunk, they have a particular personality that emerges? I haven’t gotten really wasted in a long time, but I did the night of Bella’s birthday. I mean seven glasses of sangria, 5 double shot Kamikaze’s, and three Jack and Cokes level of wasted (all of that before 1am…I was drinking until 5am. You tell ME what I consumed and did during those four hours). I have now learned that my wasted personality should be called Brutally Honest Abe. Do I like you? Do we have a good relationship? Then fantastic! I will tell you that you’re the best person I’ve ever known and I’m so happy to have you in my life. Hugs will ensue. Do I think you’re a jerk sometimes? Do you act differently to me around other people and are you shallow or backstabby? Get the FUCK away from me because I will tear into your deepest darkest problems like I’m Dr. Phil on an angry rampage. A guy friend of mine from work was at Bella’s party and I vaguely remember the night ending with him saying “Wow, you really think I’m a jerk don’t you”? And my response being YES I DO. This was at 5am, sitting on my front step, while I’m drinking $4 wine out of one of those giant jugs. (Really Cocochina? You couldn’t stop drinking for ONE SECOND)?? Anyways, I felt really awful about it, but apparently he wasn’t fazed. Anybody else have special personalities that come out? I know one of my friends is Fiesty Angry Gremlin, one is This-Bar-Isn’t-Good-Enough-for-Me Loudster and another is Dancing No-Pants McGee. Everyone’s got one, don’t be shy.

This may have been me.

That’s all for now folks. I’ll probably post more random thoughts more often. I’ve given up thinking this whole blog thing through. You’re going to start getting Courtney’s entire inner monologue. For example, I went through the entire ancient history of dates (the food) with Bella last night. Complete with why I bought them, how I felt like they connected me to history, the changes food has made over the centuries and how dates have remained the same, and I think I mentioned something about the Arabian Nights. You too will soon be exposed to this random mental explosion. Like vomit of the mind. Enjoy that mental image.

You’re Only 23 Once

Hello there everyone! Of course by everyone I mean all 8 of you who actually read this blog. I have been absent from this space for a little while. I’d like to say I was off studying Malaria in Swaziland (like my friend Bell) or hiking the mountains in Bhutan (okay my mom did that) or traveling around the world (wait…my other girlfriends did that) or even getting my masters in public health and preparing the world for all the good I’m about to do (okay fuck my life that’s what my friend Sage just did). No, I can’t say I was doing any of this amazingly cool things. Nope. Instead of being half as awesome as any of my friends and family…I was caught up in the wicked triangle of working-partying-sulking. I didn’t feel like blogging because I was in no mood to share my thoughts with the world. My friend Bella and I went through a period of FUCK MEN ARE DICKS WHY AREN’T WE LEZBOS OMG WE’D BE THE BEST LESBIANS EVER WE SHOULD DO THIS OH WAIT WE LIKE DUDES FUCK OUR LIVES. Honestly, I’m sure people were getting a little fed up with our bitching and moaning, so I didn’t really want to impart any angry girl rants onto the rest of you (although most of you received them in person). So, instead of turning this into a post about how much men make me angry. I will try and sum up all of the partying that I’ve done in the last few weeks…since I know that’s why most of you read this anyways. Feel free to pick up on any nuances or innuendos that seem to exist in my sentences…they’re there because my mom reads this…also I feel like it’s bad to actually write out on the internet circumstance where I may or may not have been around instances of potential illegal activity. (Pretty sure I can’t make that any less concrete). Anyway, let’s move on to the activities and the life lessons we can all take away from them.

Hard Summer Music Festival

Skrillex blowing everyone's minds

What: Electronic music festival (fine it’s a fucking rave)
Players: Dear friends and a couple “rave first timers” (one of whom who is dear to my heart)
Lowlights: Not being able to rage as much as I’d have liked to. Never play six degrees of Kevin Bacon when you want to party.
Highlights: Raging to Skrillex and watching him blow the minds of the first timers in my group. Using the “periscope” to find people in the crowd. Dancing uninhibited with everyone I love. Watching the first timers chatter their brains out and dance around the apartment until 4am while the rest of us just stare and laugh.
Moral of the adventure: If you’re with people who have never gotten really wasted at a rave…stay sober. It’s even more fun to watch them act retarded.

Outside Lands Music Festival

A sea of people...80% are stoned

What: Huge music fest in San Francisco
Players: Again, dear friends and this time Little Sister came too! (She’s LS from here on out)
Lowlights: Walking 2 miles to find a taxi to take us home on Sunday night only to have my friend Monster yell at me and then run away because I told her not to ring a doorbell that wasn’t ours. Actually that wasn’t even a lowlight, that was still funny. The walking was a lowlight though. For fucking sure.
Highlights: Dancing my way out of the park to Muse on the main stage and having people ask me what drugs I was on because apparently I dance that strangely. Belting out I WANNA KNOOOW HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE RAIN with Monster to CCR on stage. Sneaking people in and out of the VIP area for better food and bathrooms. Making LS slap a bag of wine and then down it as we held it above her head. Curling up on a shitty air mattress with LS and watching 90s Nickelodeon cartoons at 3am post concert partying. Getting super stoned in the middle of the day around all my friends and listening to The Black Keys on the main stage.
Moral of the adventure: Booze + friends + sister + live music + beautiful setting = best weekend you’ll ever have. Take the time to bring a sibling. You will both remember it forever.

Making Shapes

Too dark to see? That's ok. It's just some lazers and fucked up people.

What: A warehouse party in South Central LA….not kidding
Players: It was the second night of my friend Daisy’s two night bday extravaganza. Keep in mind I had been out till 4am the previous night. I was with her and her friends and my friend Bella.
Lowlights: Breaking through the first two walls of exhaustion. At 11pm I was driving us downtown as a bitter and angry tired girl. Bella was the same. We questioned this decision. We cheered up at the tequila bar but then had to drive to the address we were given. This address turned out to be where we parked the car and waited with the masses to get on the van/minibus that would take us to the warehouse. Waiting in the crowd for an hour was where we hit our second wall of WTFness. We were about to leave but then we basically crowd surfed into the van. I literally pulled Bella out of the crowd and onto my lap in the front seat. I think I kicked a hipster in the face. That should be under highlights.
Highlights: Everything else that happened after we got into the van. The warehouse was insane – reminded me of a more mature Rubulad (some of you will get this). There was a pool and neon lights and a sick electro act. Everyone around us was on serious drugs. I was stone cold sober, but broke through the third wall of exhaustion and hit the cracked out stage. You know that stage…when you’re so tired you get this crazy energy where people think you’re wasted. That was me…and Bella. We danced and partied with out friends until 3:30am and then I drove her back to her car. We blasted Skrillex the entire way and bounced around in our seats. We could have partied all night – we had THAT much energy. I was so jazzed I drove all the way to Santa Barbara. Best highlight? Calling my sister at 5am to let me into the house.
Moral of the adventure: Just fucking do it. Whatever the IT is. Yes, you’re tired. Yes, it’s annoying. Yes, you’d rather be drinking tea and in bed. However, when you get there…it will probably blow your mind and you’ll have an amazing experience.

Deadmau5 Concert and Afterparty

Let's play spot Cocochina's favorite DJ! Hint: he's wearing a mouse head.

What: Deadmau5 concert and afterpartying at the Music Box and friends’ apartment
Players: One of my best guy friends Dumb…and Daisy and her friends
Lowlights: Two dickheads from work being…dickheads. One of which I had considered a friend until that night where he just showed how shallow, weak spined, and two faced he really was. He’s currently getting the cold shoulder from me and the other one already knows how I feel about him. He knows that I will tell him to go fuck himself if he gets near me.
Highlights: DEADMAU5. He alone could be the highlight. Best live show in the world (besides Muse). Partying with Daisy and Dumb (two of my favorite people). Sitting on the roof with former friend Dickhead and staring at the neon canopy above us and him playing with my hair (yea..I fucking liked him). Going back to the friends’ apartment and seeing that they were all still up partying, so we went out for waffles at 6am.
Moral of the adventure: Who cares what anyone else thinks of you? See a performer you love, be with the friends you love, and tell everyone else to shove it. Also, waffles at 6am with new friends are amazing.

Identity – Las Vegas, NV

Neon, lights, and three amazing Djs. The one in the white is Deadmau5 without his mouse head.

What: Electronic music festival in Las Vegas…for one night and straight to work the next day.
Players: Daisy (of course) and her bff
Lowlights: The cracked out feeling I had the entire next day at work. Left Vegas at 8am and was at my desk at 10am. I kept having flashbacks and my body was twitching. My boss laughed. Evil.
Highlights: Deadmau5, Nero, Skrillex, Afrojack, Sebastian Ingrosso, Alesso, Datsik ,The Crystal Method, Aoki, Pretty Lights…all amazing DJs whom I saw in one night. Standing in calf deep water, in front of the speakers, completely alone/with strangers, and head banging to Nero’s siiiiiiick bass. High fiving Deadmau5. Hugging Afrojack. Getting a thumbs up from Alesso. Just being around all of the DJs I admire. Finding my shoes in a shrub. Watching the sun come up as I partied.
Moral of the adventure: If it sounds crazy or if it sounds like you are going to be in immense pain the next day. DO IT.

Sonoma County, CA

Name and face blacked out to protect the innocent. Oh who are we kidding. Not innocent. Rule #1: Don't pass out at a party. PS- The bag says AWESOME

What: The temporary return of my beloved Bao and a No Pants party in her honor.
Players: BAO!! and many others that I adore
Lowlights: Some trashy chick from Bao’s past who came to rub herself all over Bao’s ex and just be obnoxious (she wasn’t invited!). But, this isn’t even a lowlight because it gave me an excuse to be a total bitch. I have mad bitch face. I’m also really good at looking at people and making them feel really stupid. I rarely bust this out because no one deserves it…but when they do…it’s really fun.
Highlights: Snuggling with Bao on the couch and watching Kill Bill and then napping together with the dog (HELL DOG). Shopping for cheap and disgusting booze to put in our jungle juice and realizing that neither of us will ever change from college and that’s a good thing. Immediately taking off our pants upon party commencement. Playing our new favorite sex themed drinking game and somehow getting people to say things like “pedophile”, “whips”, and “eye shot”. Eating raw cookie dough and dancing to 90s music. Doing a dunkaroo (dunk your head in ice water for 10 seconds, whip your head out gasping only to have your best friend slap you across the face, and then shotgun a beer).
Moral of the adventure: Remember that no matter how mature you get you should still take the time to have a party with jungle juice, dunkaroos, no pants, snuggling, and massive amounts of love.

I guess I’ve learned the winning combination of partying is to be around people you genuinely love. Whether that’s a house party, a music festival, or at a warehouse rave. Whether you’re fucked up, drunk, or sober…if you’re with people who you really love and who really love you…you’re bound to have an amazing time. Also, Deadmau5 doesn’t hurt the situation either.